I didn't realize how much of a hold alcohol had on my life until I had to give it up. I went years drinking regularly on my meds, and wondered why I wasn't seeing results. Now I've learned how much more powerful booze is than my pills, and how preciously fragile the Middle is.
It has a fancy name called Euthymia, or something like that.
But seeing as I love Jimmy Eat World, and their song The Middle, let's roll with that.
The Middle, going back to my cute little surfing metaphor, is like Waikiki in summer. Gentle, even sets of waves, slightly boring, but not glassy. People are with me in the lineup. Some light conversation can be had. People come in and out of my life without drama. Or at least I can deal with the drama now.
I don't have to force a smile, but it's not plastered on my face like a joker during mania, either.
Ripping booze from my life was like kicking out a big social crutch. I was left feeling like
"Now what?"
What do I do to be with people now? Am I fun without it?
The first month was hard. I actually was detoxing a bit, even though I don't get drunk. It was more of a social detox- that crutch I was talking about. What would I do without my beloved beer and my vast surplus knowledge thereof?
The fact remains I must love the Middle more. It's so fragile, so delicate. Mania, as fun as it is, is not my friend. Depression is my enemy. I need to associate the lows will immediately follow the highs in my life. It is, kind of like church taught me, a straight and narrow path.
So, after a month of intensive outpatient therapy that pulled me out of the lows, I am in the Middle.
Maybe slightly lower, but that's ok.
I'm going to a transitional program to help me stay here in the Middle. No booze since November 19. I have amazing friends that don't pressure me at all to drink. They have been so supportive! Leaving me so thankful.
"It just takes some time/little [boy] you're in the middle of the ride/everything, eveything will be just fine/everything, everything will be alright, alright."
